Christmas with families.

Facing my first Christmas without Christine left me with dread and I wasn't sure what to do or expect.

We enjoyed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Anita, John, Toby and Sophie.  We spent Boxing Day at Jane's with the Turton's. We spent a lovely day with Henry's family who welcomed us into their beautiful home and took us out to clay pidgeon shoot in a howling gale - great fun.

We spent Christmas in the warm heart of the Gatehouse's and were able to see the Turton's - two families that are most precious to me and were to Christine. They loved and looked after Christine's 'boys'. We played games, talked a lot and shed tears.

Thank you Anita and John and Jane for making Christmas special - Chris wasn't forgotten and she was with us all.

Hayley's mum and dads

Today we spent the afternoon at Hayley's for Sunday lunch - very peaceful and very kind.

Cleeve Common walk

William and myself took a gentle stroll over Cleeve Common on a bright winters day.  Low cloud hung over the top of Leckhampton Hill in the distance.

Farewell my beautiful Christine

Yesterday the 19th December 2013 was the family farewell to our beautiful Christine.  In the morning myself, William, Anita and John dressed Christine's wicker coffin in garlands of ivy and small pale pink bouquets - a time to reflect and commune with Christine.  At the Crematorium the coffin with all the family flowers around it looked lovely - reminding us of a Pre Raphaelite painting, which Christine would have loved.

The Thanksgiving at St Paul's Church Shurdington was full with friends, family, work colleagues and neighbours. The service was really beautiful and touched everybody's heart reflecting perfectly Christine's loving, caring personality.  Thank you to Neil for pulling it together.

The tears of sadness I shed for Christine flowed and mingled with those of everyone around me as we all expressed our love for Christine. William by my side holding hands.  As Bron described it 'there was so much love abounding you could touch it'

The small get together at Shurdington Church Hall afterwards was attended by (I think as unfortunately no names were taken):

Hayley and her mum.  Anita, John, Toby and Sophie. Gill and Iain. Alan and Suzanne, Mum, Jane, Richard, Jess and Tim.  Jonathan, Melissa, Victoria and Jasmine.  Jill and Jane Gatehouse. Elaine and Jenny. Rev Nick Berry. Jenny Breese and Elaine Hodgin. Loz, Bron, Julia and Ade. Tom and Grandad. Luke, Hannah and Ed. Nick and Jane. Dale. Don and Laura. Kate and Mike.  Anne and Glynne.  Roy and Sandra.  John Hurl, Anil Gandhi, Jane Edgeworth Lane and Gareth Blackett.
Phil Lane, Celia, Fi, Sandie, Glo, Mags? Claire and Caroline (Cathedral colleagues)  Neil and Dr ? from Ashleworth.   Hilary, Colleen, Mary and Sue (ex work colleagues).

Words can't describe how much I will miss my beloved Christine but a new life begins with Christine in my heart and by my side.  Love always Tim

Sing For Sue

Last night John, Anita, Sophie and Loz joined William and myself at Trinity Church for an evening of singing and Christmas Carols to raise money for Sue Ryder in Cheltenham. Emotional at times as one of the choirs was made up of staff from Sue Ryder including nurses who cared for Chris.  We all missed Chris as she really should have been there with us - but she was in our hearts and we felt near her.

FOD cycle

Today Luke joined William and myself for cycle around the FOD trails. Luke's first time at the FOD. A pleasant afternoon where we remembered Chris on the journey.

An emotional walk

William and myself took a walk across Leckhampton Hill this afternoon - a walk I'd undertaken with Christine many times.  We stopped on the edge of the escarpment and looked down on Leckhampton Court, it was very emotional to look upon the home where Christine spent the last weeks of her life - a very special place.

Finding peace

2/12/2013 This afternoon my beautiful wife and soul mate Christine, slipped away peacefully at Sue Ryder, Leckhampton Court Hospice.

She loved us all dearly as we loved her in return.  A gentle and caring soul who I was blessed to meet thirty two years ago - she enriched my life.  A wonderful mother to our boy William.

Christine has found the peace she needed and we all prayed she would find.   God bless.

'There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved

Anita and John came to see Chris on the Monday or Tuesday (25/26 November) for the last time. Anita's visits meant everything to Chris. They talked in private about things that Chris couldn't talk to me about. They'd shout, get angry and cry together.  Thank you Anita and John for the unfailing love that you showed Chris, William and myself.  

In the last week, Chris knew that she was fading and she asked the Doctors "what will happen, will it be painful? 'It will be peaceful, pain and anxiety free' was their gentle reply. She asked to be more sedated I wept on Christine's chest when they left. 

William at this point had been at home for a couple of weeks unable to study in Bath and wanting to be near his mum. He spent much of his days with me by Christine's side - a wonderful son.

21/11/2013 I did a drawing of Chris while she was asleep in the afternoon. I had for the last few weeks been able to read to Christine.  We finished off 'longbourne'.  I knew that the Chris had come back to me for a while as she enjoyed commenting on the book saying  'Jane Austen would have never said that ' what joy that gave me and her - we laughed about it. Chris had got a little way through 'The map that changed the world' I carried on reading this to her.  I'd sit on the chair by the bed with my feet under the covers resting them against her, she would hold my feet. I felt confident that I would be able to read the remainder of the book to her.

19/11/2013 I got a larger TV for Chris to watch as she was struggling to see the existing TV.  We'd watch Downton Abbey and Strictly - she would nod off sometimes and drop in and out. I'd be holding her hand or sitting on the bed by her side with my arms around her shoulder. 

Following requests from Chris the gastric tube was removed around this time. Chris started to eat more and asked for the sedation to be reduced as she wanted to be more alert. A very strong willed person. Her intelligence and being in control of the situation meant everything to her. 

11/11/2013 I got a new mobile for Chris but sadly she just couldn't get to grips with the touch screen. Not a problem Chris just used her old phone which she could operate with her eyes shut. She always worried about technology.

9/11/13 Today it was the Burley Fields firework display - a display we'd watched from Kidnappers Lane many times before. We moved Chris's bed by the window so she could see the display through the window.  Chris was tired and slept a lot of the time but knew that the display was on. 

8/11/13 Chris wanted to cut her nails so I got some new hairdressing scissors from Boots.  I cut Christine's toe nails first but not short enough for Chris I'm afraid. Chris sat up in bed, leant forward and cut them herself - nice and short. Then she cut her finger nails - clippings flying everywhere. Chris never lost sight of daily tasks - cleaning her teeth, washing, dental flossing, cutting nails using deodorant. 

24/10/2013 I did a drawing of Chris asleep - very peaceful. 

We had precious times at Sue Ryder. Staff their brought Chris back to me for a short time - leaving me with precious memories. Nurses would prepare a hot bath for Chris and let me bathe her in private. They would let me get involved in her care.  I'd stay overnight and they would bring me breakfast.  Claire would run the bath, and Marvesh and Cilla would look after Chris at night. Lovely people 

Sue Ryder

1/10/2013 Tuesday we met staff at Sue Ryder for the first time to look around Leckhampton Court.  We both wept uncontrollably as we sat in the foyer as the realisation of where this painful journey had bought us hit home - a tidal wave of sadness.  Together we would face the coming weeks.

8/10/13 Tuesday we had our second visit to Sue Ryder and met with Dr Paul Perkins to talk about Christine coming in for a couple of weeks - at the time she didn't want to go in. The following day Chris felt she was ready and I rang Paul to see if was still possible.  Thank you Paul for finding a bed the next day.

10/10/13 Thursday Christine and myself packed a small bag and drove to Sue Ryder Hospice. Initially this was for a short stay so that Christine's pain could be managed at home.  By Saturday Christine's health had dropped and Doctors spoke to us about the possibility that Chris would not be well enough to go home .  News that broke our hearts.  Within days Chris was pain free and comfortable and either William or myself would sleep in the chair by her side.

Prior to this, in late September and early October it was glorious weather and Christine and myself would often lie on the bed at home in the afternoon sun. I would read Longbourn by Jo Baker to Christine and she would rest her head on my chest or lie by my side. It was during one of these peaceful moments that Chris said 'If I was to go now that would be OK as I'm really quite happy now'.  She wasn't in pain and she knew what she thinking.  I cried and agreed with her and we held each other tightly as we wrestled with wanting to go and wanting to stay.

The weekend

7/10/2013 Gill, Iain and the kids popped down.  A lovely afternoon.

6/10/2013 Sunday we drove down to Bath to see William and drop off his bike. He wants to cycle to University to save money and keep fit.  An exhausting weekend for Chris.

5/10/2013 Saturday Anita and John came over, we ordered a take away curry and watched the video of Anita's successful book launch and Strictly.  We're very proud of Anita - she has written a fantastic book on financial advice for widows with profits going to Mary Stevens Hospice.

4/10/2013 Chris and myself went to pick a cheap road bike for me that we bought off Ebay.  The chap lived in Highnam woods in a small woodsmans shed. A precious memory.

1/10/2013 A meal at the Twelve Bells. Prawn Cocktail and Cappuccino for Chris and Steak for me.  In the afternoon we sorted out the paperwork for Chris's Blue Badge.  In the morning we went to Coombe Hill Nature Reserve, a very damp day. We walked hand in hand for about 100 yards.  Chris just wouldn't give up and wanted to do things even when in pain.

A busy weekend

30/9/2013 Went for a short walk around the park with Loz and the dogs - a lovely sunny afternoon.

29/9/2013 Sunday we popped into see Claire FT in the morning.  For lunch we had a meal at the Twelve Bells.  Chris is desperate to keep life normal and do things with me.
In the afternoon we went to Stroud to pick up a road bike for William we bought from Ebay. Chris came with me to try it out - it was lovely as it was something we did together for William.
Christine you are incredibly brave.  Love you always.

28/9/2013 Saturday Toby G came down to stay with Chris for the afternoon while I went for a throat checkup at Glos Royal. 

27/9/2013 On Friday we took a very short walk through the woods near the road up Birdlip Hill (the quarry area). I did a small sketch of the blue sky sparkling through the trees.  Although Chris was in pain and very tired it is still a lovely memory for me as it was the last walk in the woods we took together.  In the morning Chris had had a new type of Chemo and wanted a break from the onslaught of cancer treatment.

Jane and Richard

25/9/2013 We went to Curry's to select a new cooker as the grill on the one at home had stopped working and we do like our toast and bacon - a grill is a must.

24/9/2013 We drove up to the midlands to see mum and drop in to see Jane and Richard for tea.  It was great to see them all.  At mum's Chris talked to Jane about not being around to buy the first shoes for her grandchildren - Chris cried, Jane cried and we huddled together and shed bitter tears.  Crying was something Christine found hard to do, even though she wanted to cry. The disease as Christine said 'has taken so much from me'.  Chris really wanted to see Jane and Richard the trip was very important to her.

23/9/2013 We went to the Wholefood Supermarket and met Loz. We stopped and had a coffee and a cake - Chris had her favourite a Cappuccino.

Harvest Festival

22/9/2013 As we were feeling the need for company we popped down to Shurdington Church for the Harvest Thanksgiving.  Mike gave a lovely talk and gave us a hug afterwards. We followed this up with lunch at the Twelve Bells.  At the church when talking to people I rested my head on Christine's shoulder and cried - Chris lifted her arm and cradled my head and rested her hand on my hair to comfort me.  Something she did many times.

19/9/13 We were given the tragic news that Christine's tumour had come back and we were looking at maybe a couple of years and more Chemotherapy.   We were shocked and didn't know what to do so a Harvest Thanksgiving seemed like a good idea.

Moving

21/9/2013 We loaded the car up with William's stuff and drove to Bath on a lovely late summer afternoon.  After decanting mountains of bags we tidied the house a little. A number of items still need sorting by the landlord. Ross has been living without gas (hot water) for a week - cold showers agh!

20/9/2013 Went to Go Outdoors to get some larger clothes for Chris as she felt her tummy was getting bigger. Not an easy shop as Chris kept looking at the cheapest clothes and I wanted to get more expensive stuff - Chris always kept a track on spending trying to save money for me later.  True love.

19/9/2013 During the day Loz came over to see Chris - a great friend.

In the evening William and Tim had a quick blast over Leckhampton Hill on the bikes.  William over took his old dad and headed for home at speed. The last cycle ride before going back to university.

18/9/2013 Another shopping trip we all went to Dunelm to get final stuff for Williams flat. Mum and Dad picked foot mats and plates etc.

The flat in Bath

Moved some of Will's stuff into his new temporary home in Bath this evening.  Most of the repairs to the house have been done - it's looking good.  Met up with Ross his fellow house mate.

Afternoon at Anita's

15/9/2013 We spent a lovely afternoon yesterday at Anita's for lunch.

12/9/2013 Christine and myself went to Nick and Jane's for afternoon tea. Nick and myself did one our pre portrait sketches while Jane and Chris talked downstairs. This was the first trip out for Chris for a long time.

A visit from the Parkes's

9/9/2013 In the afternoon William, Christine and myself drove to the parking spaces near Witcombe Roman ruins and sat on the sloping bank of a nearby field and looked down on Witcombe reservoir.

7/9/2013 Gillian and Iain came over for tea, it was great to see them all. Callum and Stephanie helped prepare the tea, cutting up the veg and sorting out a fruit salad. A lovely afternoon and evening.

6/9/2013 Loz came over to see Chris in the evening. Loz has been great visting Chris at least once a week during the illness.   Thank you Loz - a real friend to Chris when she needed it.

5/9/2013 We all popped into Next to get William some new clothes before going back to University. Chris was very tired and half way through she went to sit in the car. Chris really wanted to everything she could with her beloved boy.

3/9/2013 William, Christine and Tim went for a meal at the Twelve Bells.  Chris ordered her favourite - Prawn Cocktail, unfortunately it smelt a little strong and Chris left it. On the same day we had the side of the house waterproof in the morning and in the afternoon we went to Primrose Vale Farm shop to get some strawberries for tea.

Anita and John, and Wye trip.

31/8/2013 A fabulous day paddling down the Wye with Luke, Jerry and William. The sun shone all day, the water was black in the shadows. Flocks of swans and Canada geese kept us company on and off all day.

Thanks to John and Anita for coming down and spending the day with Chris, they spent a relaxing day in the garden and went for a light meal at the Twelve Bells we had lovely home cooked Moroccan Lamb for tea.

Their love gives us strength.

30/8/2013 Loz visited Chris

William's lodgings

27/8/2013 In the afternoon Chris and myself went for a drive to Witcombe Wood, parked the car and walked the short distance to sit by a gate overlooking Hazel Hanger Wood. The ground had just been ploughed and was very dry.

26/8/2013 We all popped down to Bath to see the house in readiness for next term. The builders were in and repairing items that needed putting right before the lads move in.  Chris did fantastically well to come with us but is now exhausted. Chris wants to do everything she can for her boy and said 'I must see his flat I'm his mum'

Trek fest

24/8/2013 In the evening William, Chris and me drove up to Leckhampton Hill to watch the sun set as we sat in the car together and talked about what was happening.

23/8/2013  Jerry joined the Turtinos for an all Trek bike ride over Leckhampton. A very enjoyable and much needed break.  Cycling when you are exhausted is hard but exercise is needed to recharge the mind and body.  Thanks to Jerry and Will. 

19/8/2013 My first day of sick leave.

From April 2013 to October 2013 it was relentless, with visits to Oncology, our Doctors Surgery, home visits by Doctors and District Nurses, meeting oncology specialist key workers and counsellors.  All these people were here to help Chris and gave their time freely and were always patient and understanding and desperately tried to make Christine's journey a easy as possible.

Christine's mental health declined steadily over the months as Chemo stripped Chris of her ability to read - incredibly hard for Chris to bear.  I tried to be with Chris as much as I could and spent very little time at work. The pressure on us increased daily and I reached breaking point in mid August - another week at work and I would have been of no use to Christine.  Thankfully this was recognised and I was signed off work.  I would have done anything to make Chris's life easier but was beginning to loose my self control and asked for help from my doctor - she was great and started a programme of mental and physical support for Christine and myself.  Our doctors never left our side and supported us both all the way.

Lecky

The Turtino boys had a quick spin over Lecky on the bikes. On the way back dad tried to shake off his son but Turtino the younger overtook Turtino senior 300 yards from home.

Cycle ride

Yesterday had a spin on the bike with Jerry - up through Cranham Woods to Coberley and back home. A great afternoon.  William stayed with his mum.

Early morning Westward Ho!

27/7/2013  Trying to catch the tide on the push we were up at 4.00 am on the road at 4.45 am for a session at the Ho!  Luke and Georgia joined the Turtino boys for a great morning session. A bit patchy but great waves were had by all.  A much needed break.

I'd ring Chris through the day and got back home in the afternoon and got fish and chips for us all.

In July Loz took Chris to the Butterfly Gardens at Dundry Nursery. I think Chris was very tired Chemo really knocks her for six physically.  During July Chris became increasingly more anxious and it became quite difficult for me to leave her alone - Anita and John came down regularly to give me a break. On 19/7/2013 Chris missed her 4th Chemo treatment due to worry - the first after the operation. We spent the month in and out of hospital as Chris was struggling with the pain in her tum following surgery. Her tummy looked like it was swelling again - this was put down to constipation.  I tried to spend as much time as possible with Chris but unfortunately I was still at work - thankfully I could leave work anytime I liked, colleagues have been great.

Ouch!

Will and Tim were joined by Ed for a spin around the FOD trails. All was going well until the the seat clamp on Will's bike broke - no problem, Tim swapped seats and used the broken one.  This still didn't stop William who with the bit between his teeth came a cropper on the down hill and finished with serious gravel rash and a cracked helmet.  Chris was quite worried when we returned but understood why we needed to get William checked out at A and E to get the all clear.

FOD trail

8/7/2013  Jerry joined the Turtinos for a very quick evening spin around the forest trail.  First outing for Jerry on his new bike. William picked up the only puncture of the day - a blast, thanks chaps.  I rang Chris every half hour to check she was OK.

4/7/2013 Loz went for a walk with Chris around the park - Chris thinks she overdid it.  Christine's anxiety really began to take over our lives after the surgery.  I was getting phone calls all day at work - I left work early many times and went home every lunch time.

2/7/2013 Came home after what we believed was successful surgery.  Christine was very positive on her return but very anxious and unsettled.  Full of energy and couldn't keep still.

27/6/2013 Christine was admitted to Cheltenham General for surgery.  I went in with her and held her hand in the anti room to the theatre right up to going into having the operation. Chris was very worried - the Doctors were fantastically kind and caring. I cried and prayed when I got home.

Forest of Dean cycle

W and T took a quick morning spin around the forest trails.

Evening blast

On a lovely summer evening Tim and Will headed to the FOD and got the bikes out to blast round the blue run. It was great get out with William to recharge our batteries.

Forest Cycle

Spent a great Saturday with Jerry trying out the cycle trails in the Forest of Dean. The blue run was fabulous - long sweeping twists and turns. The red route was a bit more strenuous and technical. Must do it again.

In the evening Anita and John came and brought a curry for tea - it's always a treat to to see them. Families and friends what would we do without them?