Christmas with families.

Facing my first Christmas without Christine left me with dread and I wasn't sure what to do or expect.

We enjoyed Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with Anita, John, Toby and Sophie.  We spent Boxing Day at Jane's with the Turton's. We spent a lovely day with Henry's family who welcomed us into their beautiful home and took us out to clay pidgeon shoot in a howling gale - great fun.

We spent Christmas in the warm heart of the Gatehouse's and were able to see the Turton's - two families that are most precious to me and were to Christine. They loved and looked after Christine's 'boys'. We played games, talked a lot and shed tears.

Thank you Anita and John and Jane for making Christmas special - Chris wasn't forgotten and she was with us all.

Hayley's mum and dads

Today we spent the afternoon at Hayley's for Sunday lunch - very peaceful and very kind.

Cleeve Common walk

William and myself took a gentle stroll over Cleeve Common on a bright winters day.  Low cloud hung over the top of Leckhampton Hill in the distance.

Farewell my beautiful Christine

Yesterday the 19th December 2013 was the family farewell to our beautiful Christine.  In the morning myself, William, Anita and John dressed Christine's wicker coffin in garlands of ivy and small pale pink bouquets - a time to reflect and commune with Christine.  At the Crematorium the coffin with all the family flowers around it looked lovely - reminding us of a Pre Raphaelite painting, which Christine would have loved.

The Thanksgiving at St Paul's Church Shurdington was full with friends, family, work colleagues and neighbours. The service was really beautiful and touched everybody's heart reflecting perfectly Christine's loving, caring personality.  Thank you to Neil for pulling it together.

The tears of sadness I shed for Christine flowed and mingled with those of everyone around me as we all expressed our love for Christine. William by my side holding hands.  As Bron described it 'there was so much love abounding you could touch it'

The small get together at Shurdington Church Hall afterwards was attended by (I think as unfortunately no names were taken):

Hayley and her mum.  Anita, John, Toby and Sophie. Gill and Iain. Alan and Suzanne, Mum, Jane, Richard, Jess and Tim.  Jonathan, Melissa, Victoria and Jasmine.  Jill and Jane Gatehouse. Elaine and Jenny. Rev Nick Berry. Jenny Breese and Elaine Hodgin. Loz, Bron, Julia and Ade. Tom and Grandad. Luke, Hannah and Ed. Nick and Jane. Dale. Don and Laura. Kate and Mike.  Anne and Glynne.  Roy and Sandra.  John Hurl, Anil Gandhi, Jane Edgeworth Lane and Gareth Blackett.
Phil Lane, Celia, Fi, Sandie, Glo, Mags? Claire and Caroline (Cathedral colleagues)  Neil and Dr ? from Ashleworth.   Hilary, Colleen, Mary and Sue (ex work colleagues).

Words can't describe how much I will miss my beloved Christine but a new life begins with Christine in my heart and by my side.  Love always Tim

Sing For Sue

Last night John, Anita, Sophie and Loz joined William and myself at Trinity Church for an evening of singing and Christmas Carols to raise money for Sue Ryder in Cheltenham. Emotional at times as one of the choirs was made up of staff from Sue Ryder including nurses who cared for Chris.  We all missed Chris as she really should have been there with us - but she was in our hearts and we felt near her.

FOD cycle

Today Luke joined William and myself for cycle around the FOD trails. Luke's first time at the FOD. A pleasant afternoon where we remembered Chris on the journey.

An emotional walk

William and myself took a walk across Leckhampton Hill this afternoon - a walk I'd undertaken with Christine many times.  We stopped on the edge of the escarpment and looked down on Leckhampton Court, it was very emotional to look upon the home where Christine spent the last weeks of her life - a very special place.

Finding peace

2/12/2013 This afternoon my beautiful wife and soul mate Christine, slipped away peacefully at Sue Ryder, Leckhampton Court Hospice.

She loved us all dearly as we loved her in return.  A gentle and caring soul who I was blessed to meet thirty two years ago - she enriched my life.  A wonderful mother to our boy William.

Christine has found the peace she needed and we all prayed she would find.   God bless.

'There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved

Anita and John came to see Chris on the Monday or Tuesday (25/26 November) for the last time. Anita's visits meant everything to Chris. They talked in private about things that Chris couldn't talk to me about. They'd shout, get angry and cry together.  Thank you Anita and John for the unfailing love that you showed Chris, William and myself.  

In the last week, Chris knew that she was fading and she asked the Doctors "what will happen, will it be painful? 'It will be peaceful, pain and anxiety free' was their gentle reply. She asked to be more sedated I wept on Christine's chest when they left. 

William at this point had been at home for a couple of weeks unable to study in Bath and wanting to be near his mum. He spent much of his days with me by Christine's side - a wonderful son.

21/11/2013 I did a drawing of Chris while she was asleep in the afternoon. I had for the last few weeks been able to read to Christine.  We finished off 'longbourne'.  I knew that the Chris had come back to me for a while as she enjoyed commenting on the book saying  'Jane Austen would have never said that ' what joy that gave me and her - we laughed about it. Chris had got a little way through 'The map that changed the world' I carried on reading this to her.  I'd sit on the chair by the bed with my feet under the covers resting them against her, she would hold my feet. I felt confident that I would be able to read the remainder of the book to her.

19/11/2013 I got a larger TV for Chris to watch as she was struggling to see the existing TV.  We'd watch Downton Abbey and Strictly - she would nod off sometimes and drop in and out. I'd be holding her hand or sitting on the bed by her side with my arms around her shoulder. 

Following requests from Chris the gastric tube was removed around this time. Chris started to eat more and asked for the sedation to be reduced as she wanted to be more alert. A very strong willed person. Her intelligence and being in control of the situation meant everything to her. 

11/11/2013 I got a new mobile for Chris but sadly she just couldn't get to grips with the touch screen. Not a problem Chris just used her old phone which she could operate with her eyes shut. She always worried about technology.

9/11/13 Today it was the Burley Fields firework display - a display we'd watched from Kidnappers Lane many times before. We moved Chris's bed by the window so she could see the display through the window.  Chris was tired and slept a lot of the time but knew that the display was on. 

8/11/13 Chris wanted to cut her nails so I got some new hairdressing scissors from Boots.  I cut Christine's toe nails first but not short enough for Chris I'm afraid. Chris sat up in bed, leant forward and cut them herself - nice and short. Then she cut her finger nails - clippings flying everywhere. Chris never lost sight of daily tasks - cleaning her teeth, washing, dental flossing, cutting nails using deodorant. 

24/10/2013 I did a drawing of Chris asleep - very peaceful. 

We had precious times at Sue Ryder. Staff their brought Chris back to me for a short time - leaving me with precious memories. Nurses would prepare a hot bath for Chris and let me bathe her in private. They would let me get involved in her care.  I'd stay overnight and they would bring me breakfast.  Claire would run the bath, and Marvesh and Cilla would look after Chris at night. Lovely people